Life is Too Short to Let Your Fears Take Over

Here lately, with things changing as I am becoming a real adult with a big girl job, my own apartment and my own bills to pay, I am starting to understand the saying “Life is short” more than ever before.

Although I’m only 22, I have realized how quickly my life has gone by up to this point. I feel like my adult life is going to go by even faster. I am the type of person who needs a set agenda everyday. I like to plan ahead and know what’s going to happen each day of the week. This may be a coping mechanism to have some control over my life, but it’s a preference.

This “preference” of mine has one flaw: it speeds up my life.

Spontaneity can be important, because if you don’t make room for some exciting last minute plans here and there, both professionally and socially, you’ll look back years later and regret staying in your comfort zone. As days pass by, I’m realizing that I only have one life, and I have total control over how it goes.

I already have regrets at the age of 22. I regret quitting dance way back to focus on cheer, because deep down I knew I was more passionate about dancing than anything else, and I could have taken my dancing talents further. I may search for adult dance classes in Los Angeles to help me let out my emotions and get my mind off the inevitable. Although I workout everyday and work several hours a day, I still think too much during those times. Dancing is something that completely distracts me from toxic thoughts.

You may be asking, “What are those toxic thoughts?” The thought that keeps me awake at night and causes me to dissociate in public is my fear of death. I have lost many loved ones in this life, and I don’t want to lose any more. As time continues to go by, I know death is getting closer for myself and those around me and it makes me ill.

The only other thing that distracts me from these thoughts in the same way dancing does is music, which is obviously the element that inspires dancing. I still dance around my apartment listening to my carefully constructed playlists to fit every mood. I have playlists for motivation, for when I feel lost in my head, for when I want to escape the world, for when I want to let out a cry, for when I need to let out anger, for when I’m feeling nostalgic, for late night drives and for when I’m stressed about the future.

Building playlists is my new form of dancing. It’s my way of letting it all out. Every emotion.

From now on, I’m going to follow my heart. I’m not going to blow off things that I know deep down I want to do. If that means trying something new at work, buying production equipment and creating music, or deciding last minute to go to a concert, then so be it. Life is so short, and so precious.

I have never been in a relationship because my fear of the temporary spans further than death. As soon as I develop a connection with a new person, my mind automatically resorts to, “Don’t fall too fast. He could disappoint you one day.”

I need to get rid of this toxic idea that I can’t be genuinely loved for who I am. That I can’t be cared for when I’m at my worst. That I can’t be understood when I barely know myself. Love exists, and I may have come close to it at some points in my life, and I’m going to stop running away from it. I’m about a quarter way through my life, and I have never let anyone love me unconditionally because of my fear of endings.

It’s time to let myself be vulnerable. It’s time to take chances.

If you’re reading this, think about that one thing you really want to do, that you have been thinking about for the longest time. Now ask yourself, “How can I get to where I CAN do it?” I’m no professional in psychology, I know, but never waste a minute of your life not doing what you love or not being with the one(s) you love.